Sunday, January 06, 2008

So, what brought you here? Or: More Weird Stuff.

Yep, this is another one of those posts where I have a look at what people have googled that has made my blog URL pop up in answer... (courtesy of sitemeter)

Honest, this is all true, every bit. I couldn't make up this stuff if I tried...
  • Does the Aurealis Award help sales?
Nice topical question this one - 2007 awards are announced in another 3 weeks. My answer: I've never won one, so I don't know. I doubt it. If I win, I'll tell you.

  • Beating your stomach while pregnant.
My advice: Don't! Really. Are you crazy? Pregnancy is uncomfortable enough without self-flagellation. And if someone else is doing the beating, lady, do you need out of that relationship. Now. Are you crazy?

  • No complaints book.
Huh? I doubt whether I have written any of those, honest.

  • Is it ok to drink Perrier water every day?
No, it is not. Lord, have you any idea of how much that is costing you? Not to mention the amount of the world's precious, finite resources you are squandering, all for a brand name. If you are worried about the quality of your tap water, buy a good water filter. Believe me, at the other end of your own personal disposal system, no one can tell the difference between Perrier and reverse osmosis...

  • 16-man family camping tent.
Listen, mate, if your immediate family numbers 16, then you are overpopulating the world. And even if you are talking about 16 unrelated people, I wouldn't advise that you try living in one tent for more than an hour or two. Truly. Especially on a rainy day.

  • How men can tell their wives are pregnant.
My advice: try asking her.

  • Palm Civet pest control.
When you find out about this one, tell me. I still have a whole darn family living in the study ceiling, and they keep on scenting around my front door. And you know what - I have never liked the smell of pandan.
  • Up temper music.
Yep, that's what they wrote.

  • What is temper?
Probably this was the same person, after they had googled "up temper music" and were surprised by the answers they got.

  • Bird birthing tooth.
Now I do know what this is, or what they meant. It's real name is an egg-tooth, but I am darned if I can remember ever blogging about it. And for those who don't know, many bird species have a little horn-like appendage on their beak that helps them to break out of the egg, which later drops off.

  • The Australian back of the bus song.
There is such a thing??
I think I know how this one arrived at my blog - my musician daughter was once on the back of a Glasgow bus, and I posted her blog about it, see here.

  • Nail clippers
I know how this one arrived at my blog too- I talked about having my nail clippers taken away before boarding a plane. What I really want to know is why - oh, why - would someone google the words "nail clippers"? Why??

  • I've never seen a bird.
Huh? Words fail me.

  • Washing machine fantasy.
Wow. People have fantasies about their washing machines and want to share? Meet other washing machine fetish folk? Just what kind of fantasy would one have about a washing machine?

No, don't answer that. I don't want to know.

Come to think of it, I do have a washing machine fantasy: that one day someone will invent a washing machine that automatically finds every tissue and disposes of it before it shreds into tiny barbed particles all over my black sweaters, and dark blue shirts...

Another thought: the google search was probably initiated by someone looking for Cory Doctorow's book, "Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town".

7 comments:

2paw said...

Thank you. I'm too hot to think, and I read this and it made me laugh a lot!!! Thanks!!!

Imagine me said...

It's quite amazing how people reach a blog and I have to say about once a week I go through my stats for their entertainment value. The person I feel most sorry for recently was on a military ISP from Arlington Virginia and looking for 'eye of the tiger'. I actually had incorporated this in my blog several times as part of a writing challenge but I suspect they didn't expect to find these words in descriptions of a flower garden - the only place I could think of to hide them and the 'fists of steel' which were also part of the same challenge.

hrugaar said...

Well you did blog some time ago about your husband using (abusing) the washing machine, and you write fantasy, so one can see how that person ended up here. What were they searching for? Well, maybe they had a dream of owning a washing machine. Or maybe they were thinking of the old Levi's 501 commercial where the guy strips off in the launderette - which, needless to say, I have blogged about, so I wonder if they found my blog too! :D

Satima Flavell said...

Oh, Glenda, thanks for the laugh! (Wipes tears from eyes.) I shall wait until they bring out one of thos tissue-hunting washing machines before I buy a new one!

Oh, and I want a nice tidy office, like yours. Not a messy pile of paper in sight!

Glenda Larke said...

Ah, Satima - I tidied it up for the photo...

Anonymous said...

I can tell a difference between Perrier and reverse osmosis, mostly because Perrier is carbonated.

Unlike club soda, which has a TERRIBLE taste, Perrier is cool because it tastes like water, but it's fizzy. What else is interesting, is that i left a bottle open, unrefrigerated for three days, and it was still carbonated.

So get your imported waters straightened out before you pull the whole "water tastes like water" jazz.

Glenda Larke said...

Hmm...I didn't actually say that Perrier tastes like reverse osmosis water - I said that it's exactly the same in your piss.