What sells a book is an eternal mystery, unknown to Man. Or to the woman who works as the marketing /publicity person at XYZ publishers.
We all know that bad books sometimes sell. By the gadzillions. We also know that some blindingly brilliant (and entertaining) novels never seem to take off. But you know what really, really puzzles me, far more than those minor mysteries?
It is this: Why should the publicity department of a publisher think that a photo of me is going to help the sales of my books? Is he kidding?
Now it might be different if I looked like my daughter who is now displayed in 8' splendour on the back of a Glasgow bus (see here). Or my other daughter who is also a bit of a stunner when her two-year-old hasn't smeared lasagne in her hair.
But me? I haven't seem too many women my age and height and weight and unlifted-wrinkle-factor doing much advertising of products lately. I look like the "before" shot for someone going on an Oprah makeover show for really desperate housewives. So how the hell is any photo of me going to help sell my books?
Take my word for it, folks, I write a good book. People who buy my books seem to like them. That's all you need to know. You don't need to see what I look like.
However, I bend to the pressure of the publicity/marketing department. If you did see a photo of me, which one of these would turn you off reading a book of mine the least?
Nope, no good. My daughter is on the back of a bus. I just look like the back of one. I am heading out to a botox party (back in a couple of days), and does anyone know how to use that airbrush thingy on photoshop?